A Pro-Choice Mother's Day Card

Craig Bannister
By Craig Bannister | May 13, 2012 | 2:16 PM EDT

So, what do pro-choicers do on Mother's Day? Do they curse their mothers because life isn't everything it should be, or apologize for causing them to put someone else ahead of their own selfish pursuits?

Maybe, they send greeting cards with messages like this:

Condolences On Your Day Of Sorrow

For every show you had to TiVo and couldn’t watch it live,

Because you had to waste your time helping me survive,

For every day you went to work and sacrificed your dreams,

Of following The Stones on their last tour or protesting rich men’s schemes.


For every whaling ship you didn’t sink 'cause you were home with me,

For every hug you spend on me and not your favorite tree,

For every oil company you didn’t stop from drilling in the shale,

And times you couldn’t volunteer to help ring up abortion clinic sales.


For every time you helped me study and couldn’t surf for porn,

I apologize on this Mother's Day and wish I’d never been born.

And even though you let me live and are ultimately to blame,

I promise that, if I get pregnant, I won’t do the same.



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