Editor’s Note: Normal people might find some of this offensive. (We hope. Dear Lord, please!)
I like vanilla. I have all my life. Even when I like spin-off ice cream flavors, they usually feature vanilla – chocolate chip, cookies and cream, etc. Only vanilla is no longer an option in 2016 America.
We’re now a land of mandated or harangued multi-hued diversity. From Rachel Dolezal to Zoe Saldana, race is injecting itself into every conversation. Or at least every conversation the media want to have. It’s bad enough that liberals want to rewrite history and jam in people of color somewhere into historical storylines. (Imagine the play Hamilton but done throughout western history.) Next thing we know, every white character will need to be played by a person of color. That should make Civil War epics entertaining, at least. Imagine the future Ryan Seacrest biopic.
Dolezal, who made up her heritage, and Saldana who says she is “black the way I know how to be,” show the silliness of lefty race scolds. Dolezal created a fictional background and caught the same grief from the left that Saldana did. Neither was black enough. Even though one of them is black (and an amazing actress) and one of them is a punchline.
Diversity is the new 11th Commandment. Hollywood mandates diverse casts throughout entertainment – TV, plays and movies. Except for sports, where media ignore racial statistics that would show diversity is an NBA or NFL fantasy. The reality of both sports is African-Americans are a minority majority.
Which takes us to the outer limits of stupidity, trying to mandate diversity in a made-up universe.
Maybe John Snow’s Name Is Too White, As Well: Welcome to Westeros, where monsters vie with monstrous leaders to see who can kill fast enough to sit on the iron throne. If you watch Game of Thrones, you know it’s one of the most violent, sex-filled, debauched shows in TV history. Were Westeros really a place, its citizens would mostly cower in fear to avoid the slavery, rape and death common with each episode. If the left has their way, now citizens will have to hide from the diversity police. Selma star David Oyelowo whined in Huffington Post that there’s “absolutely no excuse in a show like that why there aren’t more prominent characters of colour” in the show. Think about that. A fictional universe that is already largely written and extremely popular must be changed to fend off the charge that “#WesterosSoWhite.” Author George R. R. Martin, himself a lefty scold, now has to reenvision a world where “winter is coming” to suddenly be more black and white. Even the fact that he’s added actors of color isn’t enough, they have to be stars. Actual Oyelowo quote: “‘You are interspersing people of color into it,’ he added, ‘and so therefore it’s a conscious decision to put them on the margins, as opposed to put them front and center.’” So, aspiring authors, remember to keep your dystopias politically correct.
‘Two Donald Trumps Furiously Making Out: If diversity is a new commandment, never daring to criticize anything about the LGBT agenda is Subsection A. Yet, it’s OK when liberals do all sorts of crazy gay/trans stunts or just try to depict straight people as gay. One might assume that even they know it’s somehow wrong. For example, late night TV’s Stephen Colbert (Hint: Not as talented as he thinks he is.) seized on a Mike Pence debate comment about kneeling in prayer to imply Pence is gay. So, if libs want to envision Pence as gay, the next step is Trump. We’ve already seen the media get turned on by Trump kissing Putin graffiti. Now it’s Trump kissing Trump. Naturally, this is just more pro-Hillary street theater that HuffPo loves. Actual quote: “According to the ‘I’m With Her Because He’s Crazy’ website, the group is supporting Hillary Clinton for president because Trump is ‘crazy. And racist. And xenophobic. And misogynistic. And homophobic.’” Actual quote II: “The figures dressed identically in suits and Trump masks also spanked each other’s backsides, held hands and caressed each other.” Talk about two committed individuals. Or perhaps they should be.
We Haven’t Done A Ridiculous Sex Story In A While: Ever wonder what happens to liberal arts majors who can’t get jobs? They just keep going to school, taking ever-more ridiculous courses, piling up debt presidential candidates promise to pay off or that mommy and daddy are expected to fund. Fusion, slogan: “We’re even crazier than Salon,” introduced us to Hallie Lieberman – a “dildographer.” Actual quote: “She has a Ph.D. from the University of Wisconsin in the history of sex toys.” Wisconsin residents probably already know that the Badgers (Mascot: Bucky Badger) lean pretty far to the left. Bet most parents didn’t know that the school had sex toy classes with a “90-minute workshop [that] includes a comprehensive discussion of sex toys.” Ah college. But back to our dildographer. Shockingly, “some colleagues and advisors viewed Lieberman’s work as frivolous.” What intolerance. Fusion explains that, “As a high school student in suburban Florida, Lieberman started skipping school to sneak into strip mall sex toy stores.” Actual quote II: “Currently working on a book about the marketing and selling of sex toys in America, she’s dedicated her life to understanding the cultural significance of our most private play things.” She’s virtually guaranteed to be a future regular on MSNBC.
Dan Gainor is The Boone Pickens Free Market Fellow and Vice President for Business and Culture for the Media Research Center.