Top Halloween Costumes for 2013 Include Miley, Meth Dealer, Minions

October 23, 2013 - 12:33 PM

When you're young, along with Christmas, Halloween is the most eagerly anticipated day of the year.  It means free candy and that's like winning a chocolaty, nougat filled lottery if you're between the ages of three and 12.

Once you get older, candy more or less disappears from the equation and the holiday focuses almost exclusively on the costumes.

Here are a few of the most popular costumes, this year according to the Wall Street Journal's Market Watch.

Miley Cyrus

Miley Cyrus

5. Miley Cyrus

Halloween is the one day of the year where it's socially acceptable for women to wear clothing that makes them look like street walkers.  This year, Miley Cyrus became the poster child for girls with daddy issues as she twerked her way through her VMA performance.

So, naturally, Miley's now iconic outfit is one of the top choices for women who you should demand a blood test from before agreeing to shake their hands.

 

4. Duck Dynasty

'Duck Dynasty' Costumes

'Duck Dynasty' Costumes

Duck Dynasty, a show about the adventures of a family that became incredibly wealthy by making products for duck hunters, is a cultural phenomenon.

To produce this costume all you need is some camouflage, a headband and a beard that looks like it could serve as a home for a small family of chipmunks, and you're all set.

The only risk this costume poses is the potential to get arrested due to being mistaken for a homeless person.  So, if you're wearing this one, be sure to stay away from busy on-ramps and, no matter how hungry you get, don't go rummaging through any dumpsters.

3. The Fox.

Ever wonder what would happen if a group of kindergarteners broke into their parent's liquor cabinet and threw a costume party in the woods?  Well, you're in luck!

The Norwegian band Ylvis, has answered that age old question with an insanely viral music video entitled "(The Fox) What Does the Fox Say."

It's essentially "Old MacDonald" for people who prefer Molly and Glow Sticks to nursery school sing-alongs.

It's also the biggest American hit for a band from Norway in 28 years.  Let me rephrase that.  It is Norway's most important and lasting contribution to the world since......well.....ever.  (Cue emails from angry Norwegians informing me of all of that nation's lasting contributions to the world.)

Minion Costume

'Minion'

2. "Minions"

"Minions" are the adorable monsters from the DreamWorks film Despicable Me and Despicable Me 2.  Kids LOVE these little buggers!

Unfortunately the Minions are pretty small.  So, unless you're a child or a little person with no qualms about exploiting your small stature for a laugh and some delicious candy, this is an unlikely choice for you.

1. Breaking Bad

You know that one family on your block that always handed out raisins for Halloween?  We had one.  I say "had" because we burned that family's house down.

News flash:  Kids don't want raisins!  Today's children have more refined tastes.  That's why the most popular houses this year will be giving out high purity, blue crystal methamphetamine to all the neighborhood kids.

'Breaking Bad' costumes

'Breaking Bad' costume

Breaking Bad--the award winning show about a high school chemistry teacher who becomes a meth kingpin--has captured the nation's imagination.  Dressing up as the show's anti-hero, Walter White aka "Heizenberg" will undoubtedly be a popular choice for trick-or-treaters this year.

And don't worry parents!  Walter White never consumes any of the meth he makes.  He just cooks it, sells it and then horribly murders anyone who gets in his way.  He's an entrepreneur and a role model.  Just remember to have plenty of raspberry flavored rock candy to hand out to all the little ghosts and ghouls when they show up at your door!