Swedish Inventors Tout Device to Translate Your Dog's Thoughts

January 6, 2014 - 2:43 PM

How much would you pay for technology that enabled you to read your dog's mind?

What would you give if you had a way to know exactly what it is that your dog thinks about you or what drives him to roll in raw sewage immediately after getting a bath?

Well, we may soon have the answers to these age old questions.

"Imagine if your dog could tell you what he's thinking. Now, he can," a Swedish group known as The Nordic Society for Invention and Discovery says in a video seeking to raise money on the Internet in order to develop a device called "No More Woof."  Which, according to its developers, will be able to translate canine brain patterns into English.

The group has already begun work on the project and assures donors that the idea is, in fact, not a completely insane waste of time.

"It's really not that complicated as it might seem," said developer Eric Calderon, in a web video explaining the project.

"These small sensors here are EEG (Electroencephalography) Recorders.  They register the voltage fluctuations resulting from the ionic current flow coming from the dog's brain."

Sounds simple enough.

Calderon then places a small headset like device on a dog's head.

What does the dog tell Calderon?

Nothing.

They don't show the device in action.  They skip right to the part of the video where they ask viewers for money.

Before we dismiss the creators of "No More Woof" as kooks or scam artists, it is important to take into consideration that The Nordic Society for Invention and Discovery (Formerly, "Micasa Lab") is responsible for several inventions that have altered the course of human history in recent years.

These include the "iRock," a rocking chair that uses your movement to charge your portable Apple devices.  "Cocoon 1," a large plastic bubble billed as a place where a person can escape to if they need privacy and "Nebula 12" a lamp that releases clouds of steam into your apartment depending on weather conditions.

With that track record, wouldn't you be crazy not get in on the ground floor with these scientific pioneers?

But before you tap into your 401k and send these canine loving Swedes your life savings, you should ask yourself if you really want to know what your dog is thinking.

We assume that dogs lick our faces because they love us.  Have you ever considered that they might actually be tasting us?

How many times a day would your dog inform you that he was hungry?  Have you ever met a dog who wasn't constantly searching for food?  Come to think of it, the inventors could just pre- program "No More Woof" to tell you that your dog wants to eat seven or eight times a day and you would have no idea that this was the only message the device was capable of translating.

A similar device for cats could be equally simplistic as it is widely assumed that cats are pretty much always thinking about ways to kill us in our sleep.

That being said, being able to understand the thoughts and desires of man's best friend would be a fascinating scientific development.

But instead of being used to determine exactly what it is that your furry friend has against the UPS guy, maybe "No More Woof" has an alternative use. Perhaps the device could also be used to determine what politicians are really thinking when they make promises to the American people.