Goofy 'Green' Gifts for the Tree Hugger in Your Family This Solstice Season

December 24, 2013 - 11:47 AM

I'm dreaming of a green Christmas. OK, I'm not. But, there are sure a bunch of eco-nuts out there who have designed some of the strangest environmentally-sound Christmas (Solstice?) gifts you can imagine.

These are the kind of folks who look at holiday time as propaganda time. Here's one typical tip: "Look for those special things that encourage others to go green and recycle." Yes, harassing others about recycling is a key part of any Christmas gathering. At least, it's not Obamacare.

Let's see what else our friends on the loony left have to offer this holiday:

Eco-Friendly Boxer Briefs - One article even called these "ethical." That's an ice-breaker at a party. "My underwear is more ethical than yours." These g=9.8 briefs are "made from white pine tree clippings, a sustainable textile." Wow, forget the 99 percent, you get to be part of the 94 percent while wearing, um, formerly prickly shorts, um, nevermind. They're $38 and from France. It seems g=9.8 makes a whole bunch of clothing out of pine needles. Gives a new meaning to the term "pining" for someone.

Grow Your Own Oyster Mushrooms Book Kit - Oh, what fun it is to ... grow mushrooms. Yes, this is actually listed in the "Eco toys the kids will love" at Nigel's Eco Store. Nigel's English and the English famously love their gardens, but, this and the "Tree in a Bag" seem uniquely un-fun even for Merry Ol' England. Perhaps this is for lefty parents who want to pass on 'shroom growing to their kids. Mushroom kits are 14.99 pounds and the tree is 5.99 pounds. Do your own conversion, if you are silly enough to buy this.

Bamboo Smartphone Amplifier

Bamboo Smartphone Amplifier

Bamboo Amplifier - This product almost looks like it's fresh out of a sitcom. Take your smartphone and slip it in the slot on an empty piece of bamboo. Voila, it "boosts the sound on your smartphone without wires or batteries." This bambeco product is based on the fancy technology we used as kids when we'd roll up a baseball program and shout into it for improved sound. It's a Vuvuzela for your smart phone. For only $38, be the silliest person in your composting discussion group.

Water Pebble - Also from the nature nuts at bambeco, your own personal shower scold. This "clever device sits over your shower drain and signals you via a series of gently flashing lights when your shower is almost over and when it's time to get out." Bambeco calls it a "traffic light for your shower," instead of a terrifying peak into some "Dune" future where the left limits our water supplies too. It's only $14, a drop in the bucket, so to speak.

New America Game - Brought to you from liberals who don't like the old America. You can find this now classic board game at the EcoChoices Natural Living Store, which also sells the Earth Game ("not a war game but a peace game!"). In New America, "Players act as Research and Development teams trying to redesign North America's Social-Economic System before it's too late." It's "designed to provoke discussion among mature, thinking people!" That leaves out the prObamacare crowd. Only $34.99, plus your man card if you are a cis-gendered, hetero male.

Stoneware Compost Container - At $100, this is like the Cadillac of indoor compost containers. "Keep your organic matter sealed tight and your house smelling great as you create valuable fertilizer with this sleek stoneware composter." On the upside, it also weighs eight pounds and has a handle, so you can use it to fend off burglars who figure you have money to burn.