Obama To Don ‘Disguise’ To Eat Hotdogs In Central Park Unnoticed By Bloomberg's Food Police, Public

Craig Bannister
By Craig Bannister | June 7, 2012 | 1:04 PM EDT

Pres. Obama says he’ll need a “disguise” in his second term if he wants to go out in public or eat a hotdog in Central Park. And, he says he’s got one ready – but, will it really fool anyone?

The disguise makes sense: those wiener cart vendors are running small businesses that are being crushed under the weight of his regulations, and he probably doesn’t want them spitting on his hotdog.

And, the economy’s so bad, people aren’t just unemployed – they’re actually giving up their job searches. Probably wouldn’t want to run into one of them in Central Park, either.

The president bemoaned the cost of his celebrity at a campaign event this week:

“[T]he thing that you miss most when you’re President…suddenly, not only have you lost your anonymity, but your capacity to just wander around and go into a bookstore, or go to a coffee shop, or walk through Central Park.”

“I just desperately want to take a walk through Central Park again.”

Undaunted, Obama has concocted a plan: “[S]o my idea has been to see if I was - if I got a disguise - could I pull this off.”

Obama’s friend, Margo Lion, became his accomplice in the scheme to go incognito:

Will Obama's disguise fool hotdog vendors, public?

“And so Margo thought about it, and about a week later I got this fake moustache - that I guess she got from one of the makeup artists on Broadway. And I tried it on and I thought it looked pretty good.

Alas, the Secret Service wasn’t impressed: “But when I tested this scheme with the Secret Service, they said it didn’t look good enough.”

Still, the president has kept a stiff upper lip – and the fake mustache – while biding his time in hopes that the mustache will grow on the Secret Service during a second term in office:

“But I kept it. I have kept this moustache just in case in the second term” there’s an opportunity to use it, Obama said.

And, if the mustache disguise works, Obama will apparently use it to escape the judgmental eyes of Mayor Bloomberg and the First Lady and relish the taste of a good old fashion hotdog:

“So, if a couple years from now you see a guy with big ears and a moustache - just pretend you don’t know who it is. Just look away. Eating a hotdog, you know.”

Will Obama’s mustache-hotdog plan cut the mustard, or will reporters still recognize him and try to grill him on his choice of condiments? Frankly, I don’t know.

More importantly, what does America’s Mustache Minority think of people like Obama using fake mustaches to perpetrate a ruse on others?

Do they consider it a facial slur?

Do they want him to cut it out?

Apparently, not.

I asked the chairman of the American Mustache Institute, Dr. Aaron Perlut, for his group’s official stance on fake mustaches, and he seemed to be okay with them:

“The American Mustache Institute has no position against faux upper lip garments as any demonstration of the sexually dynamic Mustached American lifestyle is one that propagates and furthers our rugged good looks.”

Any publicity is good publicity is the thinking, I guess.

Finally, Dr. Perlut’s e-mail to me also included an interesting note at the end of it:

“*This was NOT sent from a Blackberry, as mustached Americans neither own, nor have the ability, to operate Blackberrys.”

I’m not sure what this tells us about mustache-wearers and Blackberrys. You make the call.

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